Listening vs. Hearing

Do not listen with the intent to reply, but with the intent to understand.

Recall the last time you had a conversation, and think about the amount of effort you put in to focus on every single word the other person was speaking and connect with every emotion the other person was going through. You probably tried concentrating up to a point and then lost focus or you never tried processing it at all. A lot of us find it hard to understand and process words from another person every time we have a conversation but something needs to be done about it because it is not only one of the keys to effective communication but a golden key to becoming a better person and a friend.

The difference

Hearing is an effortless, involuntary response to any sound around us. It is the act of receiving sound through our ears. On the other hand, listening is the act of hearing a sound and then understanding it by processing the sound or message. It is focussed, concentrated hearing and is purposeful. Hearing happens at the subconscious level whereas listening occurs at the conscious level. For example, when you cross two people arguing and don’t pay attention to the argument, you just heard two voices; but if you actually stop and pay attention to the words said and the emotions expressed in the argument, understand it and respond to it, you listened to it. When we listen, we respond and do not react.

Benefits of listening

1. Mutual trust: When we make an effort to listen to the person speaking in front of us, it generates respect and mutual trust because they become aware that we are putting in the effort to understand their words and that shows care. This way, one can also regain trust in a broken relationship; be it employer and employee, parents and children, two friends or any relationship.
2. Accuracy: Active listening leads to more accurate responses. When we listen, we absorb all the facts, avoid jumping to conclusions and make decisions based on well-informed facts which lead to accuracy and fewer mistakes.
3. Avoid conflicts: Listening is understanding the other person’s point of view and this will automatically reduce fights and conflicts. Arguments arise when we are impatient and are eager to put our point forward without understanding the other person’s state of mind or perceiving his/her thoughts. Listening avoids this, makes us more patient and helps us come to conclusions without fights.
4. Develop patience: Listening requires processing every sound and information passing through our ears. This, in turn, helps build patience and tolerance in the listener and a patient attitude enhances other qualities and skills too.
5. Problem Solving: Let’s take the example of a frustrated child. In order to solve his/her issues, parents should allow her to vent out her feelings and cool her off first. For this, they will have to listen to her, acknowledge her feelings and let her speak her mind out. This simple act of listening can make solving her problem a lot easier and there will be no chance of misconception here as her parents have heard her throughout and now they can brainstorm solutions. This also helps the child become an effective listener as he/she learns from parents.

Becoming an effective listener

1. Hear out the words and try to picture them in order to understand better.
2. Maintain eye contact and pay complete attention to the speaker.
3. Do not interrupt the speaker and wait for him/her to pause or finish before putting forward your opinions.
4. Keep an open mind. Do not judge or make any assumptions while listening out to the person speaking.
5. Keep an open posture and avoid tapping your feet or folding your arms which shows impatience.
6. Listen to understand and not to reply.

Listening has become a necessity in today’s world and it can solve many issues, especially issues related to depression, mental health, frustration and also work-related conflicts within teams and organizations. The next time you meet someone, try to understand what the person is speaking out and focus your attention to him/her and trust me, it will help both the people involved. We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.

Listening is about being present, not just about being quiet.